Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
