Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
