Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize