i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
