i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
