It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize