I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize