My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
