The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
