something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
