I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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