Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
