woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
