It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
