I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
