five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
