I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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