I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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