gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
