i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
