this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
