No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
