His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
