I look better un-naked...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
