I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
