And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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