Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
