i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
