Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
