You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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