New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
