Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
