So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize