we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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