I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
