At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize