I didn't shave. On purpose
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
