I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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