I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
