Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
