when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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