Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
