we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
