just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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