You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
