I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
