if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
