I'm so fucking centered right now
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
