you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
