respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
