I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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