shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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