i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
