That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
