yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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