"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
