Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
