there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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