i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
