Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
