I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
