in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
