i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize