yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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