every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
please don't ironically join a cult
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