The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
