Who wears a wallet chain?!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
