please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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