make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
