He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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