i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize