no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
