hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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