I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
