oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
