why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
