i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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