Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
