my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
