ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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