I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
