I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
