I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
