I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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