Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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