i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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