i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
