Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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