i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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