I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I want a musical about memes.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
