I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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