i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
