Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
