So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
