dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
