she woke up with a sticky ear
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Send help, water and tortillas.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
