He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
